Forgiveness: a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.
The Global soul wellness resource helps us see the impact spirituality has on our well-being. One of the ways that we can grow spiritually is to exercise forgiveness. Forgiveness is seen as a gift and helps free us from the pain we continuously hold on to from the people who have hurt us in our lives. When using a rational mindset it is easy to see the beauty of forgiveness, yet often we are tied up with emotions blinding our decision-making. These emotions are usually justified, reinforcing our decision to hold on to the pain and be bitter and resentful. The problem is that resentment and bitterness change how we view that person and quickly affect our social dimension of well-being. We start to view them differently and eventually stop to love them. Love is essential for all human beings; we are designed to be loved. Not forgiving hurts you more than the other person because you are withdrawing your love which naturally we want to show. The more relationships we destroy, the less human we feel. People have been shown to carry resentment and isolate themselves from others at the fear of getting hurt.
The beauty of forgiveness is it gives us an opportunity to express love to our wrong doer. Self-actualized and fully functioning people have good characteristics such as forgiveness. Forgiveness is essential to a healthy life - everyone is going to need another person to extend it to them at some point. At some point in our lives, we all will have to decide whether to forgive a wrong that has happened towards us. Fred Luskin states that forgiveness is "taking back your power," "about your healing", and is "for you and not the offender".Forgiveness is good for the forgiver; it can contribute to their healing from the damage done by the offender. Feelings of anger, resentment, and bitterness can be alleviated by forgiving others who have harmed us
Video on forgiveness https://youtu.be/Rwcp_oEIwnU
What motivates Forgiveness
The basic reasons
Good people forgive
Most people desire to be good people and so we forgive not because we want to but because that’s what looks best
Victims feel a lot of pressure to forgive from everybody else
Want to free our wrong doers from guilt and allow them to move on
Forgiveness is a shortcut to healing
Once we forgive we start to heal, we are told
A deeper reason required
We are what we do not what we say, saying you forgive someone is not the same as doing it. How do you forgive effectively?
It is not how to forgive, the real question is why to forgive?
Always ask what are your why’s. Why’s are what motivates us; if there isn’t a strong enough “why” for you wanting to forgive, it will not come to pass. The why must be genuine and something that really resonates with your soul. Often we fall into the three reasons society tells us to forgive, however you can’t be forced into a why - you must find it on your own
Developing Forgiveness
Are you ready?
We are not required to forgive immediately, as forgiveness is a process and takes time. If you are still in pain it is too soon to forgive.
If you can’t show your scars it is too soon. You need to know exactly what happened to you. Anger is important, without a little bit of heat a wound can’t turn into a scar.
Identify
Now that there is a “Why?” established and we understand what forgiveness is and the importance of it, next it is important to be specific. It is hard to forgive if we do not know exactly what we are carrying resentment and bitterness towards. Often when we hold on to resentment for a long time we forget what the person did and just resent the person for simply existing.
A Life Well Lived
Forgiveness brings restoration to relationships. Forgiveness between spouses can help restore harmony and trust. When parents forgive their children, or children forgive their parents, the same is true. Such forgiveness can motivate the one who is forgiven to seek to become a better person. The offender may respond to forgiveness by seeking moral growth, and become better for it. When you forgive you find peace.
Assess Yourself
5 ways to know you have forgiven someone
When you can think of them without thinking of the hurt they caused you.
What if they needed your help?
Would you help them?
Can you think of positive thoughts about this person?
Do you think of wanting revenge?
When you have stopped looking for them to fail.
Quotes
“It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
~ Gandhi
We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.
~Martin Luther King, Jr.
Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.
~Marianne Williamson
What is forgiveness? An emotion? A coping mechanism? An element of deepest faith? A way for the heart and soul to combat the type of hate, anger, rage and a thirst for revenge that could ultimately consume a person? All of those and more?
~Mike Barnicle
References
Austin, M.W. (2014, August 29). Why Forgive? Moving Beyond Therapeutic Forgiveness. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/ethics-everyone/201408/why-forgive
Reiss, B. (n.d.). 5 Ways to Tell if You’ve Forgiven Someone. Brenda Reiss Forgiveness Coaching. https://brendareisscoaching.com/5-ways-to-tell-if-youve-forgiven-someone/
BrainyQuote. (n.d.). 390 Forgiveness Quotes to Explore and Share. https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/forgiveness-quotes
Greater Good Science Center. (n.d.) What is Forgiveness? https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/forgiveness/definition
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