What defines you? What are the top five things that describe who you are?
Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines identity as, “The distinguishing character or personality of an individual.” Identity is the sum total of a person’s characteristics and everything they associate themselves with. This broad definition includes many sources of influence, which can be categorized as follows:
Our identity can be shaped either negatively or positively by these factors and sometimes they conflict with each other. For example, internally I might be convinced that family is my number one priority in life. However, if I spend the majority of my time at school and devote my weekends to working on projects and socializing with classmates, externally I’m demonstrating the opposite of what I think is true.
What are some ways that your identity is being influenced?
Is your identity a solid foundation or a shaky one?
Metaphorically, identity is like the foundation of a building. In the book Soul Care, Rob Reimer says that “What you believe about yourself is the foundation of your life; it is your identity, and a faulty foundation will create cracks in the soul.” (Reimer, 36)
Identity Crisis in a Social Media-Saturated World
Beginning early in childhood, our sense of self continues to evolve as we age. Healthy identity formation requires an environment of encouragement and positive role modelling through parents, teachers, and peers. However, even with such an environment, social media has significantly impacted people’s self concept. In an article on Growing Leaders, author Tim Elmore states, “I believe we live in a 21st century culture that fosters an identity problem.” How does social media do this? By a cacophony of both explicit and implicit messages about who we “should” be.
“[Students] shouldn’t build their sense of identity on the trends of our culture, where it’s about social media popularity or calling attention to ourselves. This, in fact, often communicates a person does NOT have a healthy sense of self.” (Elmore)
Social media itself is not to blame because it can be used in positive ways. However, it can very easily counterfeit what we truly need: authentic and meaningful relationships. Deep relationships help us develop a solid identity foundation so that we can live with purpose and satisfaction in what we do.
We all have wounded identities because of things people have said to us, done to us, and/or harmful things we have said and done. If we’re constantly struggling with feelings of insecurity, this is an indicator that our identity is on a shaky foundation. If we attach our identity to things that are moving targets, such as the number of followers we have on social media, how many comments our posts get, money, success, and/or relationships, what will we do when something goes wrong? When there’s a crisis? Keep reading for some tips on how you can build a strong identity foundation.
How to Develop a Healthy Identity
- Discover what you’re good at and improve those abilities. This usually involves a lot of trial and error, so try to be patient with the process, show yourself kindness, and enjoy the journey as much as you can.
Establish what you value in life and work alongside others to achieve goals that align with those values. This may mean getting involved in campus clubs, politics, community services, religious groups, etc.
Reward yourself for hard work and take pride in your accomplishments. It’s not only the final product that’s worth celebrating, but also all the effort you put in along the way.
Be genuinely happy for and supportive of others when they succeed. Constantly measuring yourself based on what other people are doing is going to steal your joy and cripple you as you work towards your goals.
Attach your identity and worth to something that can’t be taken away from you. For some people, this involves certain religious or spiritual practices and for others, this includes active involvement in community service and social justice.
Conclusion
Developing your identity is an essential part of life. The key tools that will help you on this journey are self-awareness and self-acceptance. In this day and age, social media has a particularly strong ability to shape how we view ourselves, so it’s very important to recognize that we become products of the environment we surround ourselves with.
Who and what are the primary factors that shape the way you think about yourself?
What are some ways you can implement the steps listed above to build a healthy identity?
Sources
Elmore, T. (2016, November 10). Five Actions that Form a Healthy Identity. Growing Leaders. https://growingleaders.com/blog/five-action-form-healthy-identity/
Heshmat, S. (2014, December 8). Basics of Identity: What do we mean by identity and why does identity matter? Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/science-choice/201412/basics-identity
Logreco, B. (n.d.) BLOG - Reach Your Full Potential. Bruno Logreco. https://www.brunologreco.com/blog/
Pejakovic, I. (2011, November 27). Teen Identity: How to Nurture a Healthy Identity in Your Kids and Teens. Noomii. https://www.noomii.com/articles/1394-teen-identity-how-to- nurture-a-healthy-identity-in-your-kids-and-teens
Reimer, R. (2016). Soul Care: 7 Transformational Principles for a Healthy Soul. Carpenter’s Son Publishing.
Taylor, J. (2012, October 31). Healthy Self-identity in Children is Everything: Is today’s media preventing their development? Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/ blog/the-power-prime/201210/healthy-self-identity-in-children-is-everything
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