According to online sources, Belonging is connecting with people you know who claim you as their own regardless of the time and situation. It is feeling accepted in a place and environment. It is loving back as well and the cure to loneliness. Simply put, it is feeling safe, loved, and protected by the people or community you are surrounded with regardless of the time and situations you are in.
We all need opportunities to heal our pain. Belonging heals grief and loss.
Belonging consists of two parts: being claimed and being safe.
1. Being claimed: The need to fit somewhere
True belonging never asks us to change who we are; it demands that we be who we are.
Creating bonds with people
A brotherhood/sisterhood
A team
Totalling simple bills
Receiving cash payments and making change
‘‘Although we're out of our homes; in the wild we got each other's backs. Each and every one of us. We're little scouts in our hearts. We belong.’’-George Gabonian
''Belonging for me is a choice, a choice of you and me. My sense of belonging is not complete without a feeling, without the conviction, that you belong to me.'' -Vamba Sherif
Accept everyone and acknowledge everyone for who they are, don’t identify them by any disabilities or disorders they might suffer from
You belong to yourself.
Every thought, word, and action can either bring something forth or push it away. Be aware that your thoughts, words, and actions may be pushing others away. What can you do to turn things around?
2. Being safe
Vulnerability is risk and uncertainty. “Vulnerability is not weakness. It's about the willingness to show up and be seen when you can't control the outcome and it is actually our greatest measure of courage. So show up in an authentic way and let us see your hearts because we know how lonely you actually are.’’ -Brené Brown
Choose to be brave over comfort, you cannot be both. If you think you’re being brave and you are comfortable, you are not that brave.
Understanding pain. Our inability to be vulnerable makes us weak.
Accepting your past, present and future and all your story without prejudice, but with empathy, will warm your heart and doing the same for others will warm theirs.
''If we present anything to the world that is less than authentic we don't actually fit in. It's a complete ruse we don't fit in any more than a wolf fur in if it's dressed as a sheep in a sheep herd.'' -Teal Swan
It literally does not matter whether you perceive yourself to be worthy of connection and attachment or not people are attached to you.
Example: you have a couple of people with whom you feel comfortable, who accept and acknowledge all parts of you and from who you can never feel expelled, separated or detached from. They are part of you.
How to Increase Your Sense of Belonging
Meditate
Thinking about and dissecting your journey so far in order to learn something.
Do it daily, even if it only for 5 minutes.
Example: it can be as easy as finding a quiet place to sit away from distraction and emptying your mind.
This exercise can help you to put everything that is going on into perspective and give you a real sense of what is important. Instead of focusing on things that will impede on your sense of belonging, meditating helps you to push those negative thoughts aside and to focus on the good things which will help you belong.
“When we are (1) present with the people around us, (2) no longer distracted by the infinite inner rings elsewhere, and (3) aware of and appreciating the people, places, and opportunities available to us right now, then we have real power to create belonging.’’ -Charles Vogl
Surround Yourself with Likeminded People
You collect from people around you. In order to belong, you surround yourself with the people you would like to belong to.
Surround yourself with people who remind you of who you really are. An identity is really what you are looking for.
Example: as a single droplet of rain falls, it shrinks in size. However, if a droplet of rain travels alongside other droplets its size grows. The same happens with the people you are surrounded with. So choose how you desire your growth to be.
Have an Anchor of Connection
Spending quality time with people who see, hear, and value you.
Rituals = Repeated action + Intention
Best place rituals are with your friends and families, in your intimate relationships, and within your communities
Fill in the blank sentences to say to significant others in relationships repeatedly each day. ‘’The thing I love about you most today is…’’ -Baya Voce
''Connection isn't created by the things we go get. Connection is created by the things we go back to.'' -Baya Voce
Have Support from Friends & Family
The difference made by having the support of your family and friends during tough times, people who support you and uplift you, can save a life.
Someone who did not have that kind of support when he was going through tough times thought… ‘‘I don’t matter’’ and proceeded to end his life, because some of his acquaintances laughed at him, his family disapproved of his decision and so forth.
All of us want to belong and be able to say: ‘‘I matter to people. People care about me. I'm worthy of dignity and respect, of friendship, of acceptance for all of my various identities.’’
Different does not equal deficient. Accept and acknowledge everyone for who they are not their disorder, even if it is invisible.
Cope with Tragedy
Humans are vulnerable in the natural world, compared to other animals with sharp claws and teeth, except when we coordinate and collaborate. We can strategize, act in unison and we have loyalty to each other that will get us to even sacrifice our lives to help other people. Other species don’t do this.
An individual can risk their life or sacrifice their life to help a same-sex peer. Another male or female, for example, that you’re not related to. You throw yourself to save them. No other animal does that.
Is a strife necessary for us to get to understand each other and help each other?
Having people who are going through what we are going through helps greatly to associate with them and helps psychologically. It decreases stress. Sitting face to face and talking directly is better than through technology and online.
''As you automate things, people need each other less and less and just engage with each other less and less.'' -Sebastian Junger
Prejudices sometimes stop people from belonging. By letting go of our prejudices we can allow people to be at their best and to be included in a group without being excluded for this or that reason. You have respect regardless of your background. Taking the time to listen and hear one another, as long as you need to talk, we’re here to listen. That is an extremely important process for both sides.
''The pain of not belonging, the profound loneliness is so significant that people will use drugs and alcohol to numb it, they may fall into depression or despair or become so completely numb shutting everything off because of the longing to connect that they disconnect from all humans and become capable of the kind of violence we have witnessed on our news nearly every night. Belonging is essential to our thriving and our surviving.'' -Amelia Franck Meyer
“Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you
will be wise.”
– Solomon
“Like a beautiful flower that is colorful but has no
fragrance, even well-spoken words bear no fruit in
one who does not put them into practice.”
– The Buddha
“Your greatest glory doesn't consist of never falling, but of
rising every time you fall.”
– Unknown
Additional Resources:
The Spiritual Wellness PDF provides a series of explanations that help you better understand belonging and spirituality.
Questions to ask:
How can I provide a sense of belonging to this person?
What would I say or do differently if I consider them to be a permanent part of me?
Working References:
References:
Coram. (2017, November 16). What Does Belonging Mean to You? (Part 1) [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfMXcAKxMRk
Howes, L. (2017, September 13). Brené Brown: Create True Belonging and Heal the World with Lewis Howes [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbsRU-crgsc
Leong, P. (2016, May 29). BELONGING | Award-Winning Short Film [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgT-GQvwZ9k
Othering & Belonging Institute. (2015, April 30). bell hooks & john a. powell: Belonging Through Connection (Othering & Belonging Conference 2015) [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sX7fqIU4gQ
Swan, T. (2017, July 15). Belonging and How to Belong - Teal Swan [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9AIZK0QSk8w
TedX Talks. (2012, October 15). Inalienable Rights: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Belonging: Terrell Strayhorn at TEDxColumbus [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ak6T9kw0H28
TedX Talks. (2013, October 14). You don’t have to fit in to belong: Chase Harrison and Mikolina Lowe at TEDxYouth@DesMoines. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPDpFGF6yK0
TEDx Talks. (2016, February 1). I’m home: how 10 years of travel helped me find belonging. | Phil Cha | TEDxUW [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXBgitBX5Q0
Wisdom 2.0. (2016, March 4). Otherness and Belonging | john a. powell | Wisdom 2.0 2016 [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_-ux9LhkyY
TedX Talks. (2016, June 1). Where is home? Where do you belong? | Vamba Sherif | TEDxGroningen [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0mVa7d08tg
TedX Talks. (2016, October 7). The Simple Cure for Loneliness | Baya Voce | TEDxSaltLakeCity [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSXh1YfNyVA
TEDx Talks. (2016, October 24). The Human Need for Belonging | Amelia Franck Meyer | TEDxMinneapolis [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-r-ci4iybt8
Vogl, C. (2017, January 16). Meditation Lessons for Belonging. Charles Vogl. http://www.charlesvogl.com/blog/meditation-lessons-for-belonging/
Talks at Google. (2017, November 10). Sebastian Junger: “Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging” | Talks at Google [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHosF5Wzyd4
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